I wonder if it would be helpful for more congregants to learn about how they *can* do the best that they can when they come to church with a lot of unprocessed trauma and grief. What does this journey look like? How does it feel different from the pastor's perspective (i.e., less burnout-y)? Is there a way to “onboard” new congregants to this spiritual journey – to empower them as partners in building a healthy church from the start with the added benefit of providing a map for their spiritual healing journey based on wisdom from family systems and clergy observations and experience? I think that most people come to a church and have no idea that this kind of growth arc is possible (and that the church can provide a container for it) – they just need a place to dump their pain and anxiety and don’t realize that they’re acting in predictable and exhausting ways. Maybe some people wouldn’t be receptive to change nor have the bandwidth and self-awareness to grow, but *maybe* something could shift for others if they knew from the start what might come up for them, what the church can provide, and how to grow in self, spirit, and discernment if they stay the course.
Kathleen, ***thank you*** for being one of those wonderful new church members who really wants to do the work...the inner work and the collective work! Full disclosure, Kathleen is one of my awesome church people. I have written about this a lot, but I think you're right that more folks (clergy, new member coordinators, lay welcome teams, etc) need a kind of handbook, or a way of covenanting with new members. At our church we limit it to a kind of "here's what having a pastor + a church means: benefits of membership and also limitations" and "if someone here messes up and hurts you, tell someone and let's work through it together and stick around to find out what God does next." Maybe I need to write another book just about this, heh heh? Or a robust pamphlet? I think of Glide, also--how Cecil Williams is credited with turning it around in the 70s by essentially putting every single person in the equivalent of a 12 step group because "we're all in recovery from *something*"
Thank you! And Yeah! I remember the "if someone messes up and hurts you, don't ghost, let's work through it together" bit being helpful to keep in mind and also (randomly) Nadia Bolz-Weber's article about Nate from Ted Lasso (https://thecorners.substack.com/p/stopping-the-nate-hate) that someone posted in the FB group -- in addition to all the personal reading I did in family systems, your books, pastoral care FAQs doc (lol), etc. All of these things (plus therapy, spiritual direction, seminary, prayer, etc., etc.) have informed and deepened my spiritual journey over the years, but I also realize that most people don't do most of these things because they're not as nerdy, inclined, or interested-- or they just don't yet have the bandwidth (or even: access to resources). I agree that churches have the potential to provide a unique space for healing and community (with limits), and I sympathize with the deep hurt pastors have experienced so I hope individual and collective learning and healing can continue to unfold. & I love the Glide anecdote and fully support any and all writing!
Love your insight and if I may. I like what you call a growth arc, and the only way I believe this arc can grow is to surrender to God fully, all in, no looking back.
People tell me I have a great gift to be able to talk to people wherever they are and that I’m outgoing etc. Well I used to be so shy and now in my 60’s the Holy Spirit has helped me to spread my wings.
The love for the Holy Spirit is so contagious and available to all.
I pray that there will be a Spiritual revival starting first within all denominations and that this wildfire would then spread outside our buildings.
Incite it, demand it, fake it until you feel it. Whatever it takes people to hold onto it. Forget all the small personal grievances of the orchard and long live your fruit.
I wonder if it would be helpful for more congregants to learn about how they *can* do the best that they can when they come to church with a lot of unprocessed trauma and grief. What does this journey look like? How does it feel different from the pastor's perspective (i.e., less burnout-y)? Is there a way to “onboard” new congregants to this spiritual journey – to empower them as partners in building a healthy church from the start with the added benefit of providing a map for their spiritual healing journey based on wisdom from family systems and clergy observations and experience? I think that most people come to a church and have no idea that this kind of growth arc is possible (and that the church can provide a container for it) – they just need a place to dump their pain and anxiety and don’t realize that they’re acting in predictable and exhausting ways. Maybe some people wouldn’t be receptive to change nor have the bandwidth and self-awareness to grow, but *maybe* something could shift for others if they knew from the start what might come up for them, what the church can provide, and how to grow in self, spirit, and discernment if they stay the course.
Kathleen, ***thank you*** for being one of those wonderful new church members who really wants to do the work...the inner work and the collective work! Full disclosure, Kathleen is one of my awesome church people. I have written about this a lot, but I think you're right that more folks (clergy, new member coordinators, lay welcome teams, etc) need a kind of handbook, or a way of covenanting with new members. At our church we limit it to a kind of "here's what having a pastor + a church means: benefits of membership and also limitations" and "if someone here messes up and hurts you, tell someone and let's work through it together and stick around to find out what God does next." Maybe I need to write another book just about this, heh heh? Or a robust pamphlet? I think of Glide, also--how Cecil Williams is credited with turning it around in the 70s by essentially putting every single person in the equivalent of a 12 step group because "we're all in recovery from *something*"
Thank you! And Yeah! I remember the "if someone messes up and hurts you, don't ghost, let's work through it together" bit being helpful to keep in mind and also (randomly) Nadia Bolz-Weber's article about Nate from Ted Lasso (https://thecorners.substack.com/p/stopping-the-nate-hate) that someone posted in the FB group -- in addition to all the personal reading I did in family systems, your books, pastoral care FAQs doc (lol), etc. All of these things (plus therapy, spiritual direction, seminary, prayer, etc., etc.) have informed and deepened my spiritual journey over the years, but I also realize that most people don't do most of these things because they're not as nerdy, inclined, or interested-- or they just don't yet have the bandwidth (or even: access to resources). I agree that churches have the potential to provide a unique space for healing and community (with limits), and I sympathize with the deep hurt pastors have experienced so I hope individual and collective learning and healing can continue to unfold. & I love the Glide anecdote and fully support any and all writing!
Love your insight and if I may. I like what you call a growth arc, and the only way I believe this arc can grow is to surrender to God fully, all in, no looking back.
People tell me I have a great gift to be able to talk to people wherever they are and that I’m outgoing etc. Well I used to be so shy and now in my 60’s the Holy Spirit has helped me to spread my wings.
The love for the Holy Spirit is so contagious and available to all.
I pray that there will be a Spiritual revival starting first within all denominations and that this wildfire would then spread outside our buildings.
Amen amen come Holy Spirit come.
Mark, this is beautiful! Thanks for showing-and-telling what the Spirit has wrought in your life!
Incite it, demand it, fake it until you feel it. Whatever it takes people to hold onto it. Forget all the small personal grievances of the orchard and long live your fruit.